Depth of my loneliness
by Cossacks250
Summary: This is just a quickie that delves into a deeper, more personal side of Godzilla and his existence. Enjoy.


**Hey fellow FF readers and writers. Hope all is well with you. This is just a quickie that goes into a deeper side of Godzilla and his rage and feelings on humanity. It has elements of all of the different eras of Godzilla amalgamated into this.**

 **I also want to dedicate this FF to all the Godzilla actors, actresses, producers and workers who helped bring him to the world of cinema in 1954 and made him the monster we all know, fear and love today. Most notable of these is Haruo Nakajima, the man who was Godzilla from 1954 to 1972, as well as other kaiju such as Rodan, Moguera, Mothra, the Gargantuas and Varan. His death in August was a huge blow for the Kaiju community but he will forever be immortalised in the work he has left behind, most notable of course being the Big G himself.**

* * *

The ocean. It's dark, secluded, safe and … oddly warm. Being close to the bottom of this enormous trench in the biggest expanse of water on the planet makes me feel all of this. It also keeps me away from any danger. The humans would be very quick and willing to wipe me from existence. Their weapons though can do me no harm, but it does not stop them from trying. Well, if they wish to sign their own death warrants then it will be their fault, not mine.

Though as I sit here in the pitch blackness, relying on sensing, touching and feeling, I cannot help but think of my current … feelings. And no, I'm not dying or have been injured or anything of that sort. No, it is something deeper. Much deeper.

In the decades I have existed on this world, I have been responsible for the death of many humans, and the destruction I have wrought upon their cities and other places of habitation has been … well, to put it bluntly, unparalleled in their entire history. I have come like a force of nature with a vengeance to bring terror and ruin, to destroy families, lives, everything humans have ever worked for. All of it has been swept away when I made landfall. Not all has been intentional but that does not lessen the carnage brought.

Maybe that is why I feel like this and try and seek some comfort within the darkest reaches of the ocean. Blackness being a resting place for a being with a black heart I suppose. Well, really I could not care less. I really could not.

But still why do I feel as if I do? What is it that makes me … irate? Frustrated? Melancholy?

Sad?

What is it?

Maybe it's the humans and their lack of foresight. I am a being of destruction, that I cannot ignore, but haven't I also become a saviour of the world? When humanity has been under threat from other gigantic creatures hell bent on their destruction and total dominance over the world, _I_ have been the one who has had to step up and eradicate them. When the world is faced with an invasion from intergalactic civilisations, again _I_ have been there to stop them. Even when humanity has brought about these … monsters themselves, I have stepped in to protect the world.

 _Monsters …_ Maybe that is all they really are. After all, they act that way. Just as bad as humanity has done towards itself ever since it was able to walk upright. As much as they would have liked to deny it, they were all monsters.

 _And me?_

Am I any different from them? I have brought destruction, even when trying to save the world. I have made widows of wives, orphans of children and corpses of men. I am a force of nature, one that does not distinguish. Yet, I also have the choice to and have looked out for the benefit of this world. I cannot be a total force of nature.

Oh what difference does all this make?! Intentional or not, I bring terror and that was that. I am simply too big, too powerful to comprehend, sometimes even to mons- to _those_ my own size. I did not choose to be this way! Not at all! The rage inside me has yearned for peace, for a sense of belonging and for bringing serenity rather than death.

I shift a little, trying not to let these feelings overwhelm me, but I must admit to myself. I _am_ a monster. A different form and, obviously, size of one compared to how humans appear and act, but a monster no less. And I know that is how I will be perceived. Maybe not _all_ will see it that way, but when you have a majority that do …

Even for someone like me it can be worse than death itself. To be despised for something you did not choose to be. To give a voiceless voice to a lament that runs deep across the world, in everything living thing and whatever nature encompasses. A reality that is reality, not simply a fear that has the potential to become so.

I close my eyes. The blackness is comforting to me. It's probably the only thing that will ever be.

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 _"Monsters are tragic beings. They're born too tall, too strong, too heavy. They're not evil by choice. That is their tragedy." -_ Haruo Nakajima


End file.
